Thursday, December 08, 2005

Expect net game (pg mentioned)

I've set up a new Expect net game for #5!
you can go to and put in our game name of Faith4five (its case sensitive) and enter your guess for who you think is growing in here and how big they'll be and when they'll be born!
have fun! :)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

new belly pics up!

I've updated my belly pic page tonight if ya wanna see the growing tummy! :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

heard the heartbeat!

I forgot to post to my lists that I had my dr. appt yesterday and I got to hear the heartbeat! baby is snuggled in on my left side and it took a good minute to find it, but its nice and strong! :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

hcg levels in- pg news!

 just got off the phone with the nurse!!
my hcg levels are now 4,992!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
still above average and looking good!
My first prenatal appt is 11-7! ^_^

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Jackson - a baby angel

In very sad news, Jackson did indeed pass away last week. A day before he turned four months, they let him go off the respirators and medications. He had a massive infection in his body and more surgeries were needed and the dr.s were sure he wouldn’t make it through in his weakened state.
The funeral was so hard to watch. His parents amaze me in their strength though. They are glad he is no longer suffering.

Surprised and so happy!

I found out this past Sunday that we’re finally expecting! After two years of TTC it finally looks like a healthy pregnancy! I’ve taken two tests and they are both nice and dark and I’ve had one hcg beta draw on Monday and it came back as 1668, which that number is above average for my gestational age, so it looks good!
I go back tomorrow for a 2nd draw to see how the numbers are increasing. We’ll tell the kids after that.
I’m so nervous, but oh SO excited!
My edd is 6-15-06!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Our neighbors

Our neighbors got the news today that Jackson, their now 3 ½ month old son who’s been at Vanderbuilt NICU since the day he was born, likely would not pull through the rest of the week. He had surgery this past Sunday and has been sedated since, not waking once. He de-sats if they even touch him and he's had to be resuscitated several times. He’s on a breathing machine and at first it only helped him every now and then, now it does all the breathing for him. He’s on 3 different pain meds, including Phenobarbital and a med for keeping his BP up and a med to keep his blood vessels from restricting. Things don't look good.
They have the choice of whether to let him continue as is or to let him go. Gina said they'd not made that decision yet (since I'd talked to her this afternoon).
If you could keep them all in your prayers as they go through this. It'd be so wonderful for him to make a complete recovery; if he does he has a lot to overcome, including weaning off all the pain meds which he is now 'addicted' to. I feel so heartbroken for them. She puts on a strong face, but her eyes are so sorrowful. :(

The next step in TTC

I took a big step yesterday! I called my dr.s office and even though I had to talk to the nurse (he'd already left for the day and will be out till Monday) I put in a request for his position on going ahead and putting me on clomid this next cycle. I asked about ultrasounds during use and she said they rarely did them, so monitoring at their office wasn’t really necessary. I said I'd like to start on the lowest dosage if possible since my cycles have been so screwed up, low progesterone and all that. the nurse seemed fine with it, but of course I'll have to see what Dr. Phillips says on Monday. So this is a HUGE step for me. we'll see if he actually goes for it. if so, well, wow! I may actually have a chance next cycle... ? !I've never had to use meds before. I mean I rarely use Tylenol and stuff for headaches, so this will be a huge thing if he agrees. *biting nails*If he does agree, it'll just be the praying that dh is in town when he's needed!! LOL!
I'm just waiting for this cycle to be over. I started getting cramps yesterday, so I'm sure my O date is off, though I don’t know how far. :P

And now for an update today:

He agreed!!! I got the call this morning and the script is in and I can pick it up anytime. Woohoo! I’ll take it cycle days 5-9 and he’s starting out with the 50 mg dose. I’m so excited about this. I feel I may actually have a chance this next time. My cycles have gotten so whacked out for some reason. Wish me luck this next cycle!

Friday, September 09, 2005

journal entries

There are two new entries up in my journal, complete with pictures.
The first is of my oldest son’s 10th birthday we’re celebrating this weekend and the second is of the passing of our family pet, Tilly.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

so far this week

Still staying at home. I'm proud of myself, the last time I bought gas was the day before going to the dr, so that was the 29th. I've still got just under a half a tank right now, so by the time I get more gas, it'll be almost two weeks between fill ups. woo! That’s a record for me!!! The good news is that gas is going back down now around here. not to where it was before, but only about .40 difference.

My kitty Tilly is sick. I don’t know what's wrong with her, but starting last night, she starting getting sick. All over the place. Dry heaving and everything off and on all night. She’s been drinking her water, but not eating. She’s been up and about, but sleeping a lot like normal. I've checked her for dehydration, but she still seems fine. I'm worried about her, but just cant afford to take her to the dr. not cause of the gas, just cause of money, plain and simple. Seems I cant get out of the vet's without paying at least $130. I'm just praying over her and hoping it's just a tummy bug.

I wanted to post about Hunter. He’s going through some sort of spurt right now. I'm sure he's growing on me, but as well as that, he's got a snuggle bug going on. Since about he was a year old, he's not really been a snuggle person. Now he is when he first gets up. His almost daily routine is to wander in here to me when he wakes up first thing and sit in my lap til he's ready to face the world. Lately though, he skips some mornings, depends on what the other sibs are doing when he gets up.The rest of the day though, he's too wiggly to sit in my lap and too much on the go, so we've not had any 'midday snuggling' in a loooooooooong time.He’s changing that recently though. Just this past week, he's been cuddling on my lap at least 4 afternoons and even fell asleep in my lap twice! It’s made me feel good, enjoying my little guy and his cute little dimples. He tries to be so sweet so often only to turn around and pop someone or totally tear something up. He’s a mess. I'm enjoying this spurt he's going through though!

Saturday, September 03, 2005


I forgot to post the results of my lab work that I got done this past week. The Dr. told me my 7 dpo progesterone count was 3.5.
That's not very high. Some wouldn’t even consider that ovulating, but my dr. does.
I'm not sure what to think about it. I do wonder if it was just a recent change or what, since the last two (normal) cycles (including my current one), my post O temps have been rather low for me.
The weird thing is that I've tried using progesterone cream to help with it, but every single time I use it, my temps go down! I told an OL friend that I think it got switched with estrogen. LOL!

DH did pull me aside today and talked with me. He'd felt left out a bit since I've been stewing over this. Not just this week, but for the last couple of months.
I've been feeling very hurt that my choice seems to be taken away from me. Not by him, just by my body's nature. I can’t do fertility treatments since its not covered under insurance (any of it, not even clomid), so I have to use whatever natural means I can, if I want to keep trying.
At least back when it took a year + to conceive Canaan and Gavin, it corrected itself.
The short LP after the pill did finally work out and I was able to get pg. Now, who knows?
It could also be a mix of myself and DH. We likely won’t get him tested, as since I mentioned before, it's not covered by insurance.
I feel bad for feeling bad. I've got four wonderful kids here and am so very thankful for them. Even when a certain 3 year old makes me want to pull my hair out. LOL!
There are so many families that have trouble having just one, and I know so many of them. I don’t feel right being upset to them because well... just because.
But in my heart of hearts, I want #5. My greatest desire is to be able to have a 2nd daughter so that Katlyn can have a sister to grow up with. I've had that in my heart since I was a little girl missing my own sister. God did give me my cousin to fill in that space as good as she could (and she makes an excellent older sister!), but that dream is still there for me to give to my daughter.
It hurts that it seems I won’t even have a choice in it. That part stinks. I didn’t get my tubes tied because I wanted to keep the options open. Now it seems we have built in birth control and we didn’t want it.
I truly hope that some time after I write all this, I'm able to come back and say a miracle has happened. That would give me so much happiness! But, if it never does, I did not give up. I never stopped trying, though perhaps I'll not be as stringent about watching signs at some point.
November is coming up fast and I really did not want my arms being empty nor my tummy not expanding with a baby by that time. It's going to hurt even more if that happens.
I did not give up though. That would be a greater loss to me.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

family pics and stuff today

DH and Canaan are at the tractor pull still. The other kiddos are in bed. I think hunter finally is resting. He’s not used to Canaan not being there. he told me (in a very sad voice) "see, Canaan gone!" while pointing at Canaan’s pillow. we had a good day today. I don’t have a pic of our family pic cause they didn’t give proofs, but gosh, they turned out good! I'll scan in our 8x10 when we get it.we did have individual pics of the kids made, but I didn't get them. if I'd known how much they'd cost, I'd not have bothered in the first place.: for just one sheet with a 5x7 and 5 wallets it'd have been $80! puuuuuhleeeeeeeeze! Momma doesn’t do that kinda thing. I'll wait til Wal-Mart has another pic sale and take them in for individuals. A million pictures for $5. They did turn out SO good though. Gosh. Hunter was of course a booger for it all. I don’t know what that kids problem is with pro pics, but man, he sure makes it a hassle.After the pics we went to my moms and hung out there for a few hours. Been forever since we've been there it feels like. so it was good to just hang out and yak with my mom. Took C in town to meet DH before he went to the pull and then came home with the kids. They watched sleeping beauty before going to bed. it was the first time Katlyn had seen it. Go figure. I thought I'd done a better job than that. I am uploading pics from today though. Got a few of K and I getting ready. I curled her hair for her (what little it stayed in LOL) and curled my hair out the wazoo. wow, it was pretty big. I did tone it down some though.You can also see my color. My hair is like... calico actually. the top is lighter than the bottom. *snicker* I make my own highlights. What can I say? LOL!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

fast is fast ending

just think, tomorrow, Thursday, I can have another Dr. Pepper!
*dreamy sigh* I avoided it today by getting a mello yellow, I was craving that fizz feeling. (what's up with that?) so I actually made it the whole three days!
this IS a big thing for me. ;)

I O'ed!

finally after all the waiting, I finally dropped an egg! woohoo! now to finally do the last half of this wait thing. FINALLY!!
Gosh, I hate waiting so long to O.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

sis and dr. pepper

Check out my little sister’s art projects she’s been working on in college. They’re awesome of course, so proud of her!

I’ve stayed away from the Dr. Pepper today. It was hard to cause it was calling my name!!! Seriously, it was speaking to me and it sounded awfully sneaky.
I resisted though! I’m happy, but man, am I looking forward to Thursday when I can have another. LOL!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Not as bummed

I'm still feeling a bit bummed, but not as bad as I was. Church was good for me today, a lot of things that were said were said 'to me' (you know how that happens) and I got to talk to someone whom I really look up to and she just came up and gave me a hug, saying "praying the peace of God is with you hon, whatever is bothering you." I broke down crying. It was really something to me, cause sometimes I wonder if all this bothering me so much is really so important, why cant anyone see it? So, it’s like God was giving me a thump on the head. "of course it's important child! I'm your Daddy, I love you!" I just have no one in RL to talk to and really, I don’t know if anyone would understand. Maybe they would, I don’t know. I think when you have one or even two (and especially no) children, they are more sympathetic, but to a family that has four and wants one last child, they tend to look at you funny like you're a french fry short of a happy meal and just nod with a glassy eyed look. That’s part of me that feels so alone right now.

on again, off again

Well, I think my body is trying to O again. This is like the third time so far this cycle that I’ve tried to drop an egg. What’s up with that? Why cant it just drop the first time? I’d have a normal length cycle then. Gotta make things difficult I suppose. Goodness knows the past 22 months of TTC have been too easy. *snort*

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Just not feeling it

I'm bummed about my chart. my cp has gone low and firm like I've O'ed, but my temps arent really showing anything. (image placeholder) Sure, maybe it’s a slow rise, but come on. I'm really just bummed about the whole ttc stuff right now. I just don’t feel optimistic anymore...

Friday, August 19, 2005

maybe safer?

I'm putting this here because my other blog server was hit by hackers this past week.
I'm hoping that having this here will at least have a place ready and possibly better if it happens again.
I do like my MT better, but I'll not complain as long as I can blog. ;)