In very sad news, Jackson did indeed pass away last week. A day before he turned four months, they let him go off the respirators and medications. He had a massive infection in his body and more surgeries were needed and the dr.s were sure he wouldn’t make it through in his weakened state. The funeral was so hard to watch. His parents amaze me in their strength though. They are glad he is no longer suffering.
I found out this past Sunday that we’re finally expecting! After two years of TTC it finally looks like a healthy pregnancy! I’ve taken two tests and they are both nice and dark and I’ve had one hcg beta draw on Monday and it came back as 1668, which that number is above average for my gestational age, so it looks good! I go back tomorrow for a 2nd draw to see how the numbers are increasing. We’ll tell the kids after that. I’m so nervous, but oh SO excited! My edd is 6-15-06!
Our neighbors got the news today that Jackson, their now 3 ½ month old son who’s been at Vanderbuilt NICU since the day he was born, likely would not pull through the rest of the week. He had surgery this past Sunday and has been sedated since, not waking once. He de-sats if they even touch him and he's had to be resuscitated several times. He’s on a breathing machine and at first it only helped him every now and then, now it does all the breathing for him. He’s on 3 different pain meds, including Phenobarbital and a med for keeping his BP up and a med to keep his blood vessels from restricting. Things don't look good. They have the choice of whether to let him continue as is or to let him go. Gina said they'd not made that decision yet (since I'd talked to her this afternoon). If you could keep them all in your prayers as they go through this. It'd be so wonderful for him to make a complete recovery; if he does he has a lot to overcome, including weaning off all the pain meds which he is now 'addicted' to. I feel so heartbroken for them. She puts on a strong face, but her eyes are so sorrowful. :(
I took a big step yesterday! I called my dr.s office and even though I had to talk to the nurse (he'd already left for the day and will be out till Monday) I put in a request for his position on going ahead and putting me on clomid this next cycle. I asked about ultrasounds during use and she said they rarely did them, so monitoring at their office wasn’t really necessary. I said I'd like to start on the lowest dosage if possible since my cycles have been so screwed up, low progesterone and all that. the nurse seemed fine with it, but of course I'll have to see what Dr. Phillips says on Monday. So this is a HUGE step for me. we'll see if he actually goes for it. if so, well, wow! I may actually have a chance next cycle... ? !I've never had to use meds before. I mean I rarely use Tylenol and stuff for headaches, so this will be a huge thing if he agrees. *biting nails*If he does agree, it'll just be the praying that dh is in town when he's needed!! LOL! I'm just waiting for this cycle to be over. I started getting cramps yesterday, so I'm sure my O date is off, though I don’t know how far. :P
And now for an update today:
He agreed!!! I got the call this morning and the script is in and I can pick it up anytime. Woohoo! I’ll take it cycle days 5-9 and he’s starting out with the 50 mg dose. I’m so excited about this. I feel I may actually have a chance this next time. My cycles have gotten so whacked out for some reason. Wish me luck this next cycle!